your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
