Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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