Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
