quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
