i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize