hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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