'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
