i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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