so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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