just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
where are my eyebrows?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize