The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Be still, my beating vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
