she woke up with a sticky ear
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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