If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
