I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
