11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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