My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
