Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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