you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize