In the future we'll all be gay
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up backwards on a recliner
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
