im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize