Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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