please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
