so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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