I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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