I wannas sexs uuuuu
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
