well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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