she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize