You made me cry and you don't even care
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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