im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
