Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
