about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
