She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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