o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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