The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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