in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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