I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
nutella sex= disaster
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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