This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
