What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize