So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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