Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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