I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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