I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
