you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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