the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
