somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm at about main and main street
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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