I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
