Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
