I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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