If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
