Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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