and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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