I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
thus making me awesome and them whores
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
