I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
