I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
