We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
