i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
