eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
