I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
