Someone shit on the floor
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
