yo everyone went to the hospital last night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
