so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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