if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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