So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
