Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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