haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
