nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
