worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
