i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
