OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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