remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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