Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
