I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
