I didn't shave. On purpose
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
