I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
