I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
