look no pants
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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