Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize