quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
