Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
