Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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