Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
