I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
