I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
