What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
