Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
