i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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