It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
