I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
