This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
