I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
