You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
