he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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