"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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