is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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